Today I am preparing for that most singular of Canadian experiences: going toThe Cottage! This involves packing a whole load of stuff and going to sit in a house in the woods for a couple of days/couple of weeks/until you get eaten by a bear/until you get eaten by someone out of a Stephen King novel.

JUST KIDDING!

Or am I...?

Generally, when you arrive in Cottage Country, your first port of call will be the local supermarket, to stock up on food, drink etc. for your stay. On your way back to the car, you might want to pick up a couple of Cokes out of the vending machine outside. This is where you must be very, very careful.

DO NOT PICK A VENDING MACHINE THAT LOOKS LIKE THIS!

(And also, if I was a fish, I think I would be more than a little alarmed if the worm that I was about to eat had a top hat and a bow tie, and was grinning like that.)